do not heed the sound of your rude neighbor cackling at you, or you will become flustered, try to escape quickly, and promptly step into a puddle of mud with your peep toes.

not really. at least, the starfish isn’t. the scorpions taste quite like crab. so i’m told. did i mention some of those were still wriggling as i snapped this shot? (wangfujing street market)

this morning i wake up dreading the walk to the subway station. my bike was stolen yesterday. as i leave my building i have a genius idea. i’m going to try taking the bus, because the stop is closer and i won’t have to change stations.

except the bus stop is a complete mess. there are three, spaced 200 meters apart, with no lines or signs, and i miss three 802’s while trying to figure out where to get on.

i check the time on my iphone, and immediately get a feeling that i shouldn’t have taken it out. i stuff it deep into my backpack as the bus pulls up and about a thousand people crowd the door.

i barely reach over to swipe my card on the machine as i’m whisked onto the moving vehicle by the masses.  i’m pressed against a pole as people shuffle behind me. i attempt to take off my backpack when a guy tells me it’s open.  my stomach drops and i know. i just know.

i pull my backpack around and i feel around for a rubbery case, for the twist of earphone cords. nothing. i search in the dark for two more stops, hoping in vain.  i’m starting to feel claustrophobic.

i tumble off the bus with my half open backpack along with a flurry of grey and blue suits.  they shuffle past me in one swift motion as i kneel down to search my backpack.  i turn it inside and out and then i face the inevitable.

my iphone is gone.

a colorful stream of profanity leaves my lips.  it takes me another ten long minutes to get to the office and by the time i’m gazing at my reflection in the mirror of the elevator, i can’t help it. i look miserable.

the next four hours my coworker and i spend traipsing around the city in a hurry to replace my sim card and unlock my spare phone (why yes, i brought one for just such an occasion). we take the bus backwards and forwards trying to find a shop that would unlock it, and at least ten shops tell us it can’t be done.

at the eleventh, someone can finally do it but he rips me off 80 kuai and tells me to come back tonight. i’m tired so i say okay.

over a late lunch, my coworker is telling me stories about stolen wallets when i suddenly burst into laughter over the sheer absurdity of the situation. 24 years traveling the world with nothing on my track record, and then two things stolen within half a day. weird.  but i am feeling good. i lucked upon the kindest soul in the city in my coworker, and i feel touched and blessed in the least cliche way possible, by my wonderful friends and family back home.

at six i take the subway back to the dawanglu market to pick up my phone. the girl tells me the guy will be back in an hour, and invites me to sit on a stool and watch chinese comedy with her. no, thanks.

it’s dark now as i’m walking down the street amidst half closed shops.  a food cart lady calls to me mechanically to buy a sausage on a stick, or a drink.

oh, what the hell. i give her 3 kuai for a bing tang hu lu, candied cherries on a stick, and a bottle of oolong tea. i think i hate bing tang hu lu but i’ve never actually tried it, and i for some reason decide this is the night i’m going to know for sure.

and, yep. it’s nasty. i sit on a stray cinder block chasing the syrupy sweetness with tea, and watch as the girl from the shop across from me starts putting away clothes.  they’re playing billie jean, and i smile because that’s my favorite michael jackson song.

and for some reason, that’s when it hits me.

i’m in china.

rather depressing day… my BIKE GOT STOLEN! i was ready to go out to sanlitun and couldn’t find my bike anywhere. then i asked the guards and they said this never happens. eff that. of course, i’m kicking myself right now for buying that $1 lock. -__-

and so i’m inside, sulking kind of. on the bright side, i’m so grateful for my german roommate steffen, who cheers me up with food. (is there anything better??) last night was a fantastic homemade spaghetti aglio e olio with grape tomatoes, and today bread with goat cheese and honey.  in comparison i feel like i can’t cook anything.  seriously, i promised i would make something and now i’m blanking out on how i ever got on in the kitchen.  i think he might be reading this, so if you are, thank you steffen!! germans are cool.

sigh. i’m now staring at the photo of my bike (which michelle and audrey had affectionately named jade, which they coincidentally arrived at separately) from four posts down and getting wistful again.